Celebrity Morons (or Where is Woody Allen?)

Where’s Woody Allen?

I see Matt Lauer, Louie C. K., Kevin Spacey and the king dirtbag—Harvey Weinstein. A list like that really seems odd without the most respected and arguably influential sexual predator known in Hollywood. Yet for some reason Woody Allen still has pretentious ego-stroking films in production.

A few celebrities have popped their heads out of their mirror-filled rabbit holes and expressed regret for working with the famed director; why now? Court documents, written testimony and first-hand accounts have detailed horrifying and consistent tales of Allen intentionally harming his child and marrying the adopted daughter of a former wife. This isn’t new evidence. Why now; and why so pathetically marginal? Could it be because he’s never intruded on the life of a star? Is it because his hellish behavior has never threatened the career of those so bravely standing against these other terrible men?

Over and over victims have cited a fear of damaging their career as an explanation for hesitancy to expose these terrible humans. Mind you, a victim should never be brutalized or marginalized for being hurt. Nor, do I think coming forward and facing a brute is easy. The truth is though, bravery isn’t easy. Should we really applaud a person who’s harmed by a predator and doesn’t expose them immediately? If I were mauled by a lion, shouldn’t I scream warnings instead of keeping the urgent news under my hat for fear of anything? What career is worth allowing a sexual deviant to molest another person?

Maybe it’s because the herd of beautiful morons aren’t the brilliant lighthouses they see themselves as. Maybe, they’re actually the least qualified people on planet earth to give advice to anyone about any damn thing. Maybe their drug-addled, multiple-divorce, perfectly-toothed heads are lacking the basic ability to consider anything beyond an emotional cue or prevalent trend.

Celebrities are lottery winners who have convinced themselves they were the cream of the crop. They’re rich because no one is as qualified, no one worked as hard and nothing is beyond them. The reality is much more brutal. Brad Pitt isn’t a genius. He was picked out of a 1,000 other good-looking guys who love pretending to be someone more important because of luck. You can find another Pitt in an afternoon if you know where to look. My own self-absorbed brother could act circles around Brad and look more manly while doing it.

These buffoons win a lottery of casting director preferences and then feel the need to justify their immense luck with a beautiful lie. “I deserve this…and now I need to guide the uncultured morons to the promised land.”

Hollywood is a pasture of beautiful, spineless idiots clinging like lice to all the things they think make them special. Why has Woody Allen escaped with a career in tact? Because he never abused a star. He closed the curtains and built a hell-inspired world with a house of children.

Maybe Hollywood will stand up to him if he eats at McDonald’s or votes Republican.

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