NEX, Part 2: The Pilot

SCENE 1: Bobby’s Wings & Auto Repair

Ext. Bobby’s Wings & Auto Repair (see setting board) Country music plays from inside the bar. Pickup trucks, motorcycles and a riding lawnmower line the parking lot.

Int. Bobby’s Wings n’ Fries. Camera begins tight on several mugs... beer fills the mugs, the foamy head flows over the sides... A redheaded waitress (see Britney character design) picks up the tray from Virgil the line cook.

BRITNEY

Thanks, Virg...

VIRGIL

No problemo, babydoll!

An extremely unattractive waitress walks up to the bar with a frustrated look on her face. She slams a tray of dirty dishes down on the bar in front of Virgil... Britney places napkins and plates on her own tray.

DESIREE

Well, dang boy... You never “babydoll” me.

VIRGIL

I think callin’ you sweet might qualify as perjury somehow...

BRITNEY

(pointing at Virgil)

Gotcha there, hun.

Britney walks off camera with the tray.

DESIREE

Just gimmie my order, idiot.

Cut to one of several tables inside Bobby’s... Bret, Ricky, Keith & Mack are sitting around talking... Ricky is fiddling with a fork...

KEITH

Well, why not? It’s not like you got work tomorrow.

Cut to Bret... He’s got a toothpick dangling from his mouth... He slumps in his chair lazily.

BRET

Sorry bud, I got a ‘mower competition bright and early tomorrow at 11:00 in the AM... If I’m gonna doll myself up, I gotta be awake no later than fifteen ‘til.

RICKY

Dadgummit Keith, don’t discourage him from the closest thing to work he does...

MACK

(TO BRET)

Bret, if I was you, I’d shelve your other financial endeavors an’ get back at sellin’ those in-home pet castration kits... Shoot, even Bob Barker castrates his pets... Plus, you got the deal of doin’ it at home...in comfort.

Britney walks up with the guys’ beer...

BRITNEY

There y’all go... 3 regular beers, and one beer and coke.

RICKY

Thanks, Brit... When you gonna stop orderin’ that crap, man?

Ricky slides the beer and coke to Keith.

KEITH

Back off, boy... It’s classy.

Keith turns to Britney, and makes a “sexy face.”

KEITH

Speakin’ of...You get any prettier and I’m gonna have to break my glasses so you don’t break my heart first.

BRITNEY

Aw, Keith... If you weren’t so creepy I’d really appreciate that.

RICKY

You don’t wear glasses, man.

KEITH

(WINKS)

Don’t ever let reality keep you from what you want.

MACK

By the way, baby, don’t forget I’m goin’ shootin’ in the mornin’. I need to pick up Makenzie, Martin, Maliki, Mandarin, Mack Jr. & Benny at 6:00 so they can be at momma’s by 6:30.

BRITNEY

(FRUSTRATED)

I thought you said she could watch ‘em all? You know the triplets ain’t old enough to be left alone... I don’t know when your momma’s gonna remember she’s got OTHER grand kids... I mean dang, she hardly ever sees the other five.

MACK

Well, I think momma’s partial to the rugrats we birthed during our on-again off-again marital bliss.

Britney rolls her eyes and walks off-screen. Desiree slides an empty chair over to the guy’s table and sits down... She places a tray of beers on the edge of the table.

BRET

Hey there, sugar.

Bret and the guys reach for the beers on the tray... Desiree smacks their hands.

DESIREE

Don’t drink those dummies... They’re for table 3.

GUY AT TABLE 3

Um, if those are ours, can we have ‘em...please?

DESIREE

Sure thang, sugar... Just as soon as I’m done here.

Cut to a polite, geeky-looking guy at a nearby table... he politely gestures toward Desiree.

GUY AT TABLE 3

But our beers are getting ho--

DESIREE

GOOD HEAVENS! Can’t a woman take 2 seconds to rub her corns?!

GUY AT TABLE 3

...um...okay well...ah...sure.

BRET

Since you’re here, I was wonderin’ if I could go shootin’ tomorrow with the fell--

DESIREE

Dangit, you know I got a hair ‘pointment at 11:00. I thought you just went shootin’ in March?

BRET

Well, I thought it might be okay once a month or so...

Desiree slides the tray of beers toward Keith, and keeps talking.

DESIREE

Pffffft. Anyways, as I was about to say...Hey, spit in these willya...I think Britney’s tryin’ to get me fired...

KEITH

(DISGUSTED)

Uh...no Thanks...

GUY AT TABLE 3

(QUIETLY)

I actually heard that...

BRET

(TO DESIRE)

Oh, I can’t imagine that’s true.

Camera swings to show Virgil and Britney at the bar pointing at Desiree and whispering.

DESIREE

(POINTING TO LARGER BREAST)

Well, all I know is lately, she’s been acting crazy-jealous. She and Virgil’ve been thick as thieves lately, and I think she’s attemptin’ to oust me as late-night shift leader. I mean, I know I’m every man’s fantasy, but it ain’t right to judge someone based purely on their intense sensuality.

BRET

Oh baby, jealousy is a little green monster I know all too well. It’ll blow over as soon as they realize you’re the same sweet thing you’ve always been.

Desiree walks to table 3, and drops off the beers without looking at the customers. She points at Britney for emphasis.

DESIREE

Still... If I wind up layin’ in a gutter somewhere with one boob cut open, you know the red-haired witch that done it.

MACK

Well ya’ll, I better git home... Babysitter’s parents don’t like her out past 3:30am.

The guys stand up from the table and start getting ready to leave for the night.

BRET

Yeah, me too. Maybe I can mow some practice laps in before bed. I can usually fit in six or so before the cops show.

SCENE 2: BILLIONS & BILLIONS SERVED

Scene opens on a starry sky... A quiet rumble slowly builds to a louder roar... A point of light grows and moves toward the camera, eventually revealing that it’s a small spaceship (see storyboard.)... As the ship gets closer, pop music from inside becomes louder.

SFX

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!

SUBTITLE

“Adoyan Abductions: Franchise 427”

INT. alien ship... The ship looks like it’s a part of a “franchise.” There is a prominent alien logo on the top of the ship, and on the inside it resembles a fast-food establishment... The camera pans across the interior of the ship... There are several aliens hanging out talking.

Cut to a blue foot of an alien tapping (Zox)... Camera pans up the foot, leg, all the way to the head of an alien “employee.” The alien is wearing a uniform and hat that share a logo with the ship... This alien is listening to music and tapping his foot... He stands in front of a table with organized syringes on it... He holds a blue syringe up to the light, studying it... Another alien (Fessur) approaches with an anxious pace.

FESSUR

(MUFFLED)

Zox...ZOX? ZOX!!!

Zox is startled by Fessur’s approach... The music stops as Zox pulls four headphones out of his four ears with a pop!

ZOX

wha--Oh, hey Doc! What’s happnin’?

FESSUR

(ANXIOUS)

Have you gone to get the serums yet? If we’re going to abduct specimens from Earth, Mars, and Saturn tonight we’d better make sure everything’s ready to go.

ZOX

Dude, Doc...reeeeeeeee-lax... I’ve got it under control... See, I’m doing inventory right now.

FESSUR

Well, you’d better... You remember what happened last time you didn’t properly sedate a Saturian.

ZOX

Man, who knew that Saturians were in heat during the spring equinox...not this guy, I’ll tell you that.

FESSUR

(rubbing forehead)

Just...Make sure everything’s in order.

ZOX

Totally got your stresses taken care of, doc... We’ve got our Saturian sedative, our Earthling Memory Wipe, and our Martian NEX serum... All here, all accounted for... I even color coded ‘em!

FESSUR

(RUBBING HIS HEAD)

Okay... Good... Why don’t you take your 15 minute break before abductions.

ZOX

You da’ boss, Fessur.

SCENE 3: NEX BEST THING

Exterior shot of “Bobby’s Wings & Auto Repair.” (see storyboard) Country music plays, muffled slightly by the building...

Tighten on entrance to Bobby’s... The NEX are talking as they exit...

BRET

...and then, just as the Monster truck is about to crush all those sub-compacts...BAM! She’ll look back at me, and there I’ll be on one knee.

MACK

(QUIETLY)

...sniffle...dang, man... I’d marry ya.

RICKY

Just make sure you bring the ring... I tried using a piece of string as a stand-in once, and, apparently it’s not as romantic as the movies make it look.

The guys walk to their respective vehicles... Ricky closes the door to the bed of his truck... Bret sits on a riding lawn mower, and the other guys stand around Keith’s El Camino... As the guys talk, the lighting in the scene begins to slowly become brighter... Mack is the only one that seems to notice... Mack stares at a point in the sky off camera... His glasses are white with the reflection of the light.

MACK

(QUIETLY)

Hey ya’ll...

KEITH

Watcha do is take ’er into the hardware store, look around like yer lost, and then outta nowhere you slide a 2 inch nut on her and promise to replace it with a 1/2 carrot.

RICKY

What are you talkin’ about, Keith?

KEITH

Romance, man. Ro-mance.

The light in the background continues to increase.

MACK

(BECOMING IRRITATED)

Um, ya’ll...do you think that light is anything to be concerned about?

BRET

Well, she ain’t gonna know what hit her... When the headlights of that giant 4x4 truck wash over her...her life’s gonna change.

KEITH

Well, just make sure you get a pre-nup... You don’t wanna lose your mower... I doubt you could win another statewide mow-off... Yunno, after your injury.

MACK

(yelling)

DOES ANYBODY ELSE SEE THAT HORRIFYINGLY BRIGHT LIGHT?

The light washes over the NEX and the entire background... The guys shift their attention upward, with horrified expressions.

RICKY

Uh....yes...

An old blue Camaro pulls up... Billy hops out.

BILLY

Sorry I’m late, fellas... I fell asleep takin’ a dump... Dang Entertainment Weekly does it every time.

RICKY

Hey fellas, maybe we oughta--

Bright light quickly fills the screen with a flash...

SFX

fwaaaash!!!

SCENE 4: POKED & PRODDED

Camera is POV of Ricky on an examination table inside the alien ship... The screen blinks black as if Ricky is waking up... As the eyes open, the room snaps into focus... Directly above Ricky and the other NEX are several aliens. Keith is already awake, talking to the aliens.

BILLY

(LOUDLY SNORING)

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

RICKY

wha...where?

ALIEN1

...no, I’m totally serious... It’s like a 90 day deal... You diet, work out, and when it’s over you’re totally ripped. Hand me the memory wipe, willya?

ALIEN2

No Thanks, man. I’m happy fat and lazy... I bet like 90% of those before/after photos are fake anyway. Um, which one is the memory wipe?

KEITH

No joke, man. They probably got the same guy that PhotoShopped the president’s birth certificate.

Cut to a wide shot of the examination table... Four aliens scuttle around the NEX, who are strapped to five examination slabs... Keith turns to the NEX...

KEITH

Just relax, fellas... They’ll be done in a minnut.

MACK

How in the world would you know that?

ALIEN1

(LOOKING AT A CLIPBOARD)

Zox said he color coded them. lessee...Um, it’s the teal one...

KEITH

You might say this ain’t my first rodeo.

Zox comes strolling into the examination room... He twirls a set of headphones as he walks.

ALIEN2

Hey Zox, which one of these is the memory wipe?

ZOX

Keeeeeith! How’s it hanging bud? Dude, it’s the teal one.

ALIEN1

What did I JUST say.

KEITH

Oh, it’s goin’... I finally finished the El Camino, bro... We need to cruise.

ZOX

You said it, man... What’s with your buds? Is hideously obese the new look on Earth?

ALLEN

I thought we wiped the memory of all the rednecks we abducted... Why’s this guy all like, “Hey Zox, we need ta’ yada, yada...”

Zox swings a circular x-ray style machine over Keith’s head, to demonstrate all the damage his head has experienced... There are cracks, bumps, and a quarter in his head.

ZOX

Yeah, well it turns out that Keith’s propensity for smashing his head into things has made him immune to our best mind-wiping drugs... He agreed to keep our little trips to earth a secret if we promised to give him the tapes of his probes...and a do-it-yourself kit.

KEITH

(DEFENSIVE)

It’s not what yer thinkin’ though... It’s for my cat... I ain’t no sicko.

ALIEN1

Dude, they ALL look teal? Why the hell didn’t you leave the labels on instead of organizing them by incredibly similar shades of blue!?

ZOX

Allen, it’s not my fault that you don’t know your colors, buddy... Teal has a whimsical hint of aqua green in it... Powder and Sky Blue are non-clashing shades suitable for a baby’s room or a heavenly day spa.

RICKY

What—Keith!!! You know these...these...THINGS!?

KEITH

Ricky, I been tellin’ y’all I was abducted by aliens for years.

ALIEN1

C’mon Allen! Inject these rednecks and let’s get going! We still have the Saturian and Martians after this.

BRET

Man... we all figured that was Keith crazy talk! Yunno, like the death threats and promises of financial repayment.

MACK

(LOOKING AT THE SYRINGES)

If I get stuck with that thing, you an’ me are gonna dance ass-beatin’ style.

ALIEN1

Allen, hurry up!!! These rednecks are getting antsy!

ALLEN

I’m trying, but David Bromstead here didn’t make it easy. Zox, come show me which one is “teal.”

ZOX

What? No way dude... That’s not how we learn.

KEITH

Just take’er easy fellas... One or two cranial probes and we’ll be back on the road.

RICKY

Take’er easy!? Fer’git that, we’ve gotta get out of here!

Ricky begins struggling on the table.

ALIEN1

Zox, help Allen find the stupid injections!

ZOX

Fine, if you want to coddle him...

MACK

I’m with Ricky, man! My cranial ain’t but a one way deal.

Ricky swipes at the lab aliens as they crawl around examining the NEX.

ALIEN1

Hey! Cut that out!!!

MACK

Stay still you wiggly little punk!

ALIEN1

DANGIT ZOX, JUST INJECT THEM!!!

Zox takes a syringe with a blue label in each hand and quickly injects the NEX two at a time. He tosses one of the syringes in the air, it flips and lands in Billy... Billy snaps awake as the needle plops into him... Zox takes the syringes and is about to put them on a nearby table.

BILLY

(IN PAIN)

zzzzzzzzzzz—YEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWWW!!!

ZOX

Happy, now? Five doses of teal memory wipe.

Billy wakes up, and shakes his head

BILLY

Uh...fellas? Where in creation are we!?

Zox takes 5 more syringes on a tray and hands them to a nearby assistant... One syringe remains on the tray.

ZOX

Hey, lackey... Take these down the hall to the Martian Combat team willya? They’re about to be deployed and they need their combat enhancers.

ASSISTANT

Yessir... You want me to drop off the Saturian sedative on my way?

ZOX

Thanks, but I’m not entrusting that baby to anyone else... Fessur’s still touchy about last time... Just when I think he’s “over it,” he lays an egg and gets all sensitive again.

The assistant waddles off-camera down the hall with the tray...

ALIEN1

(TO ALLEN)

Huh, that’s funny... These empty syringes look more powder blue to me.

ZOX

Am I going to have to have a color theory class? I mean, how is it that the color blind guy is the only one that knows the difference between powder blue and teal?

ALIEN2

Color...what?

ZOX

Yeah, well you don’t get better at something without practice right?

Zox stretches and cracks his knuckles.

ZOX

So who’s ready for lunch?

Alien2 & Allen have a horrified look creeping over their faces.

ALIEN2

Oh pickles...

BILLY

Can somebuddy please tell me what’s going on?!

ZOX

Well, I could but it really seems like a counter-productive deal... I mean, in like 10 minutes that memory wipe is gonna kick in, and you won’t remember being abducted, or probed, or even injected anyway, right?

BILLY

(SCARED)

...abducted...probed?

ALLEN

Dude, Zox I don’t think their memory is gonna wipe.

ZOX

Trust me, dude... No one ever remembers anything after a memory wipe...well, yunno...except Keith.

ALLEN

(ANGRY AND SCARED)

That’s the thing, you idiot! You injected these morons with the combat enhancers!!! You just gave these primates powers!

ZOX

(examining empty syringe)

No way, man... My system was foolpro--Oh, right... Heh... Well live and learn, right?

KEITH

What’s going on Zox?!

ZOX

Relax, man. I just filled your body with Martian Combat Enhancers. You’ll be fine or dead as soon as your powers kick in.

Cut to Bret, whose body is growing and in turn stretching his restraints.

BRET

whoooo-oooooaaa!

Bret’s body continues to become extremely muscular, but still retains it’s beer gut... As he grows, the straps on the examination table begin to tear.

SFX

(STRAPS RIPPING)

RRRRIIIIIIIIIPPPPP!

ZOX

(IN AWE)

Wow. THAT is one big mullet.

Bret’s body has broken him free of the straps...

BRET

(GRINNING DEVIOUSLY)

Aw, yeaaah...

Bret jumps off the examination table, and quickly rips the restraining straps off the other guys. The NEX surround Zox and Allen and stare down at them angrily... Keith is sort of shaking/vibrating... His face/body is contorting wildly.

KEITH

Zox, buddy I tried to be cool man... But now everything’s going all crazy, and I’m shakin’ like a hair in grandpa’s nose. FOR THE LAST STINKIN’ TIME; WHAT’S GOIN’ ON!?

ZOX

(FRANTICALLY)

I just accidentally made you guys superheroes.

BILLY

Well Thanks for that...

KEITH

So all of us are gonna turn into Schwarzeneggers?

Keith’s ears start to “melt” and then pop upright like rabbit ears... Ricky stares at Keith’s ears as they change.

RICKY

(HOLDING BACK VOMIT)

Oh, man...THAT is nasty.

ZOX

Well, not exactly, it’s based on your physiology, there should be one strong-guy, one changeling, one sorta’ brainy guy, a demolitions specialist, and a speedster...

MACK

Oh! oh! I call demolitions!

ALLEN

you don’t get to pick, primate.

Mack grabs the last syringe off the tray... He begins chasing Allen the alien... Allen runs out of the room in terror.

MACK

What’d I say you little smart-mouth? I think I owe you a little pokin’ and proddin’!

Cut to Fessur walking down the hall, talking to a couple of other aliens in lab coats.

FESSUR

(CONFUSED)

Okay, explain it again... I’m missing something.

ALIEN3

Okay, okay... So they take 12 regular Adoyans and put them on a ship that’s completely rigged with cameras.

FESSUR

And what, they fight to the death?

ALIEN4

No, man... You’re missing the point... They just, yunno ARE... It’s totally unscripted.

FESSUR

That sounds like the dumbest holo-cast I’ve ever heard of.

ALIEN3

No way, man... It’s TOTALLY dramatic... I mean they yell, cry, and lie to each other.

As Alien3 is talking, sounds of a ruckus echo down the hall. A loud crash gets the attention of Fessur and Alien3 & 4.

FESSUR

What the?--

As Fessur begins his sentence, Alien1 from the examination room comes bouncing violently down the hall.

ALIEN1

(BETWEEN BOUNCES)

super...strong...rednecks...

An alarm sounds, with a female voice speaking a warning.

SFX

ALARM SOUNDING

ALARM VOICE

ABDUCTEE ESCAPE IN PROCESS...ABDUCTEE EXCAPE IN PROCESS...ALSO, DON’T FORGET TONIGHT IS TACO NIGHT IN THE DECK 3 CAFETERIA...ABDUCTEE ESCAPE IN PROCESS...

Cut to the NEX standing at the end of the hallway with little aliens in headlocks, under their feet, and their mouths... The aliens are viciously gnawing on the NEX...

FESSUR

(FLABBERGASTED)

Oh, boy.

Cut to a close up of an alien mouth (BRIK McGee) with a 5 o’clock shadow, chomping down on a cigar.

BRIK

So there I was...just me, four toothpicks, and some foreign chick against the entire Brohan army...

Pull out to a full shot of BRIK picking his nails with a knife... He leans back in a chair as several other aliens in security uniforms sit in a circle around him. They gaze intently as BRIK tells a story. In the background, there are several security droids... They’re huge, hulking robots with tiny heads and an antenna in the center of their forehead... Their round eyes glow a soft blue (see security droid sheet)... As the alarm sounds, Brik’s eyes shift toward a nearby intercom.

SFX

ALARM SOUNDS

BRIK

Well, boys...

BRIK cocks a laser rifle. The security droids’ eyes snap to a harsh glowing red.

SFX

(RIFLE)

Cha-chick!

BRIK

(EYES NARROWING)

Looks like it’s time to be awesome.

Cut back to NEX in hallway... Fessur, Zox and Aliens 1, 3 & 4 are running away while the NEX are fighting with several aliens. Mack is chasing Allen, toward the camera... Keith is holding Zox by the throat.

MACK

Wassamatter’ you little sadists, can’t take what yer dishin’ out!?

Mack trips, and the syringe flies out of his hand, bounces on the floor, and stabs Billy in the butt.

BILLY

YEEEEEOOOOOWWW! WHAT THA? How many times I gotta get stabbed...toodaaa....zzzzzzz...

Billy falls down and asleep on the floor.

MACK

Aw, crap. Come back here, you little pooh-flinger!

Mack kicks the alien that’s immediately in front of him... The camera follows the alien as he bounces down the hall... At the end of the pan, the alien slides directly in front of BRIK’s feet, who has just arrived with his security detail of several aliens and 6 security droids.

Wide shot of Brik and his squad... Brik takes a long drag from his cigar.

BRIK

FFFFFFFFFFFF.....So, boys...

Tighten on BRIK as he exhales a long drag of smoke.

BRIK

Why doncha pick on somebody...

Camera tightens further on BRIK’s face.

BRIK

(SMILING)

...who can kick yer butt. Heh, heh.

Cut to the NEX still holding aliens in various compromising positions... Keith is twitching. Camera snaps tight on Bret.

BRET

Bring it on, son.

Cut to a tight shot of Brik’s face.

BRIK

Whattarya gonna do, big-guy? You think you can just run past my whole squad?

Cut to Ricky on one knee, smacking Billy left and right in the face.

RICKY

Wake up, Billy...dangit, wake up.

BILLY

Huh...wha...yeah, Yep...I’m totally awake.

The NEX charge the security squad... Bret’s weight makes his feet “THUD” as he runs. Billy is rubbing his eyes, and yawning as he runs.

Cut to Billy running... He begins to accelerate out of control until he’s running so fast he can’t stop...and then falls asleep.

BILLY

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!---zzzzzzzzzzz...

Billy slams into a security droid, bounces off a wall, the ceiling, and finally into Keith.

As Billy bowls over Keith, there’s a >pop!< sound, and Keith instantly turns into one of the aliens, with his haircut still in tact.

Billy raises his head, still stunned and catches a glimpse of Keith.

BILLY

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! ALIEN KEITH!!!!!!

KEITH

(PERPLEXED)

Do what, now?

As Keith and Billy are dazed, a droid shoots a net over them, and throws the net into it’s own chest compartment.

Cut back to Bret who is in the middle of all the security droids... He punches wildly, knocking heads and arms off the droids.

BRET

Don’t be shy y’all, we got a 12 for one robot-beatin’ special goin’ on in this aisle!

Ricky and Mack are hiding behind a bulkhead, with Zox just next to them... they watch as laser-fire and fighting goes on behind them.

RICKY

Son of a ... We gotta do somethin’!

MACK

Well, yeah... But we ain’t got guns or Series 12.46 Security droids. To be honest, I’m not sure I trust Bret to stop tearin’ things up once he’s done with bad-guys.

ZOX

Well, so far, It looks like Bret’s strong, and Billy’s fast... Keith’s obviously the changeling...so that leaves the brain, and demolitions.

MACK

I call demolitions! What do I do?

ZOX

Just point, and think “BANG!”

RICKY

Wait, Mack!!!

Mack jumps out from behind his cover, does a graceful roll across the ground, and pops up pointing his finger like a gun at Brik.

MACK

BANG!

Nothing happens.

BRIK

Heh.

Brik shoots Mack in the face with a stun pistol... Mack’s eyes cross, and he falls on the ground... A droid shoots him with a net.

Cut back to Ricky and Zox.

RICKY

DADGUMMIT! I’m so sick of this alien crap!

As Ricky gets angry, his body starts to change, gun barrels and other machinery begin to form out of his body... He doesn’t notice at first... Brik bounds toward Ricky as he speaks.

RICKY

All I wanted was a couple beers, and a good nights sleep...but noooooo... Stupid little aliens had to abduct me... Then they had to poke me, and make stupid little alien jokes....Hey, is my arm a gun?

Brik attacks Ricky with a flurry of punches and kicks that seem to have little to no effect... He lands in front of Ricky and poses in a cliche “kung fu” position.

Cut to Ricky, who laughs for a second before his face freezes and he collapses dramatically.

BRIK

Heh... Brik 4, earth-girls 0.

Cut back to Bret who is still fighting the security droids... He stands on a pile of busted parts and laughs victoriously.

BRET

That all you got tiny-tot?

Brik holds up a remote, and flips a switch.

BRIK

(GRINNING)

Nope.

As soon as Brik flips the switch, dozens of security droids appear out of seemingly nowhere and dog-pile Bret.

A security droid yanks a netted Bret (unconscious and back to normal) out of the dog-pile and slings it into another security droids chest compartment.

SCENE 5: ENTER: PINK PEACE

EXT. a “Pink Peace” spaceship... This is another ship in the same vein as Adoyan Abductions, but it’s been adorned with smiley faces and flowers similar to a 60s love-wagon... the ship flies toward the camera until it’s mid-screen.

NARRATION BOX

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the depths of space...

DIDI

(ALIEN)

How long will we sit by, and let Adoyan Abductions peddle their business of torturing poor, filthy, stupid humans?

PINK PEACE CROWD

NO LONGER!!!

INT. “Pink Peace” spaceship. There are several “hippy” aliens gathered in a meeting area... They have picket signs that espouse the cruelty of the abduction trade. Sayings like “Abduct Love, not Humans!” and “Humans are People too!” In the middle of the crowd, there is a female alien wearing a headband, hippy-glasses, and sandals... An unlit applause sign hangs from the ceiling.

DIDI

How long will they profit from harsh experimentation on a species that is so inferior, so helplessly pathetic, so sadly ignorant?! When will the corporate greed end?! Will you stand up against this kind of abduction and experimentation on even humans?!

Cut to a pink peacer raising his hand.

PINK PEACER1

Um...that was kind of a run-on...Are we answering the part about experimentation, greed, or standing up?

DIDI

(IRRITATED)

Are you with me?!

PINK PEACE CROWD

YES!!!! YES!!! YES!!!

Cut to behind DIDI... DIDI’s back is in the foreground, with the crowd in front of her... DIDI pumps her fist as she speaks into a megaphone.

DIDI

(ALIEN)

That’s right! Today, when we board that Abduction ship, we’ll be fighting for creatures that are too stupid to fight for themselves!

Today we take something back from Corporate Adoy...several pink, weak, stupid somethings! Today we teach corporate Adoy a lesson it won’t soon forget!

PINK PEACE CROWD

YEAAAHHHHH!!!!

Cut back to crowd scene, with DIDI in the background... DIDI holds a book in one hand, over her head...

DIDI

Speaking of forgetting, don’t you dare forget to stop by the Pink Peace bookstore to pick up my new novel “DiDinetics: My god is pinker than your god.”

The applause sign lights up.

PINK PEACE CROWD

YEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! PINK PEACE, PINK PEACE, PINK PEACE!!!

SCENE 6: ROUGHED UP NECKS

EXT. Adoyan Abductions: Franchise 427 ship... The ship glides through space silently.

INT. Adoy ship... Camera moves down the corridor eventually revealing Two Security droids standing outside a sealed door that has “Security Detainment and Bureaucracy” stenciled on the door.

SECURITY DROID1

They exist, but they serve no purpose? That defies reason.

SECURITY DROID2

As far as my records state, males of the species do not nurse their young.

SECURITY DROID1

So, they simply serve as decoration?

SECURITY DROID2

And also an alternative area of puncture for the attachment of jeweled adornments.

SECURITY DROID1

ewwwww.

INT. Security Detainment and Bureaucracy... The NEX and Zox are being held in Adoyan sized cells, which are entirely too small for humans... Billy is asleep and snoring loudly... Bret has returned to normal (fat), the other guys are awake.

BILLY

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

KEITH

Billy! Wake up, man! Billy!

ZOX

Good luck with that, man... Your buddy with the soda-bottle glasses pumped ole’ Billy full of Saturian Sedative... He’ll be sleepin’ that off for the next year or so.

KEITH

What the crap, Zox... I thought we were buds, man.

RICKY

Buddy, he routinely kidnaps, stabs, and experiments on you for kicks and giggles... That’s only friendship in California.

ZOX

Sounds like a better date than I’ve had in a long time! Am I right, huh, huh?

Zox raises a hand, as if waiting for a high-five... No one responds.

ZOX

Well, you know what I’m sayin’.

BRET

(SCOWLING)

Sounds like justifiable homicide to this boy.

ZOX

(SMILING)

Dude, we’re totally buds... Don’t mistake my apathy toward you and your predicament as a slight on our friendship... I mean, c’mon...I’m kind of a screw-up!

Allen comes strolling down the corridor from off-screen... He has a clipboard in his hand, and is smirking obnoxiously.

ALLEN

I concur... Which is why I’m so happy to be here for your exit interview.

ZOX

Sweet! On the “sex” question, can you write in “yes” instead of “male?”

ALLEN

They’re check-boxes, it wouldn’t be practical...and don’t be a child.

Cut behind Allen... Zox is in front of him, in his cage.

ALLEN

What would you say was the best part of your time here at Adoyan Abductions:

ZOX

Oh, definitely that cute voice on the loud speaker... That’s a chick I need to meet.

RICKY

Yeah, I was just thinking that...”taco night” (in an imitation of the loud speaker voice).

ALLEN

Uh...right... What could Adoyan Abductions have done to prevent you from committing unintentional mutiny?

ZOX

Hmmmm....Pass... Come back to that one.

BRET

I got a question... How is it that aliens from across the galaxy speak English?

ALLEN

Maybe you should ask why you speak Adoyan.

BRET

Well, ain’t that a kick in the teeth.

SFX

CRAAAAASHH!!!

A loud crash shudders through the corridor... Allen cringes and looks over his shoulder in the direction of the sound.

RICKY

What the crap was that?

The doors to the corridor slide open, and an Adoyan employee runs in... The alien’s hat is lop-sided and his uniform is shredded.

ALLEN

What’s going on?!

TATTERED ALIEN

The Saturian woke up, man! It’s like a jacked-up sequel, man! Someone’s gotta do something! Not, me...but SOMEONE!

Allen swallows hard and takes a deep, dramatic breath...

ALLEN

Well, I guess now’s as good a chance as any for me to prove my value as a middle management candidate...

SCENE 7: HERE COMES THE PEACE.

EXT. Pink Peace ship.

ALIEN NAVIGATOR

Mrs. Didi, we’re approaching the Adoyan Abductions vessel... We’ll be ready to board in 60 seconds.

INT. Pink Peace ship, similar to your standard sci fi spaceship cockpit. The room is dark except for the light from the consoles... Didi’s face is lit dramatically... She looks down at a locket with a picture of she and Fessur in it... In the picture, Fessur looks horrified, as if he’s fighting to get away from Didi.

DIDI

(WHISPERING)

Soon, my dear Fessur, we’ll be together again... I can’t believe I ever let you hating me come between us. >twitch<

Cut to interior of the Adoyan Ship... there is a big red Saturian with a tall, cone-shaped head throwing dozens of Adoyans around the chamber.

SATURIAN

RAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

Cut to Allen running into the room dramatically. He’s wielding a gun, with a pointed tip... TATTERED ALIEN is behind him... Allen stops dramatically and raises one hand as if to say “halt.”

ALLEN

Fear not, fellow Adoyans!

TATTERED ALIEN

Allen...

The saturian takes notice of allen... Behind the Saturian, a pink laser begins to burn a circle through the hull of the ship...

SATURIAN

RAAAAAAHHHHH!!! NO MORE POKEY!!!

ALLEN

I was able to create a replacement Sedati--

The Saturian dramatically chomps his jaws shut, devouring Allen from the ankles up, leaving two tiny feet on the floor.

TATTERED ALIEN

ALLLEEEENNNN!!!

Alien 3 places a hand on Tattered Alien’s shoulder.

ALIEN3

Dude, man... He could totally be alive.

The circular hole is completely cut, and a slab falls to the floor with a “CLANG!” Pink Peace members stand dramatically in the new hole. Everyone, including the Saturian stops and stares. The Saturian grunts and stretches his neck as if there’s something caught in it.

DIDI

Adoyan Abductions! Your reign of terror ends NOW!!!

Didi grabs one of the running Adoyans by the arm.

DIDI

(WHISPERING)

Is Fessur working tonight?

The Saturian grunts again, and then vomits all over the Pink Peace group... Tattered Alien sobs.

ALIEN3

Yeah, okay...probably not.

Brik and his security squad enter the chamber.

Cut to close-up of Brik.

BRIK

(TO SECURITY)

Ignore the hippies, and take down that raging red nightmare!

Laser fire fills the chamber as security droids and Brik fire on the Saturian... Didi and Pink Peace run past the security squad toward the holding cells... Didi points forward authoritatively.

DIDI

Now’s our chance! They’ve decided we’re not a threat! Their foolishness will be their undoing!

Brik leans to a nearby security droid, while chomping a smoking cigar.

BRIK

Totally not a threat.

SCENE 8: WHAT THE?

Scene fades from Brik’s mouth and cigar to a similar shot of Daddy’s mouth and cigar(see Daddy Character Design). The camera pulls out to reveal the almost empty parking lot of Bobby’s Wings n’ Fries. Daddy and Barry are standing next to Bret’s lawnmower.

Tighten on Barry attaching a “boot” to said lawnmower. Daddy leans casually against a squad car.

DADDY

Yunno what ticks me off is that they don’t even try to explain it. I mean c’mon...the smoke monster came from a glowing cave? So what? And what about the stupid polar bears?

BARRY

No Daddy, the black smoke is a symbol fer humanity’s desire to ignore the rules of God and nature and rule on his own terms...it’s poetic.

DADDY

What-the-stink ever. I think they just wrote a bunch of fruity crap in the early episodes, and then couldn’t find a way to explain it all. Dang, boy...you almost done?

BARRY

Sorry Daddy, this boot ain’t made to fit a mower....there.

Barry dusts his hands and stands.

DADDY

Bout’ time. C’mon, let’s get a couple a’ beers before we bag us some drunk drivers.

Cut to inside Bobby’s Wings n’ Fries. Britney and Desiree are cleaning up and getting ready to close up. No one else is in the bar.

BRITNEY

D’ju hear the boys talkin’ about goin’ shootin’ in the morning?

DESIREE

Aw yeah. I tell you this, Bret had better sow his oats while he can. ‘Soon as we’re married, I’m retirin’ and I’m gonna be a kept woman.

Daddy and Barry come in the front door. Daddy looks around as if he’s trying to find something. Barry shuffles in quietly behind Daddy.

DADDY

Where’s that good fer nothing lover-boy o’ yers, Desiree? I see his fancy ‘mower out front.

Desiree stands up and puts her hands on her hips. She cocks her head as she speaks.

DESIREE

Daddy, you better leave Bret alone! That boy and his uncanny ability to corner landscaping equipment is my ticket outta this hillbilly town!

BARRY

He sure can corner a ‘mower. You gotta give ‘im that.

DADDY

Hmph. Well, his hot-roddin’s gonna land him in a world a’ trouble if he don’t look out. I just had to locally incarcerate his last mode of transportation.

DESIREE

Oh, Daddy. You know he has a competition in the mornin’.

BRITNEY

Why you hate Bret so much Mr. Freeman? I know he can be a thievin’ idiot, but he’s as harmless as they come.

DADDY

Harmless, huh? Well I just happen to have video evidence of Mr. Innocent running a stoplight on exactly the mower outside your front door.

Daddy brandishes a video tape. Cut to CCTV footage of Bret, obviously drunk, driving his lawnmower through a red light with about 10 cars backed up behind him in traffic. The other drivers are screaming and throwing things.

Barry walks up to Britney at the bar. He has an idiotic grin on his face.

BARRY

Hey Hot Lips, can Daddy an me get some beers for the road?

BRITNEY

My name’s Britney, Barry. Remember, that’s what it’s been the whole 12 years we’ve known each other.

BARRY

(SHYLY)

Oh, I know...I just thought maybe I could call you “Hot Lips”. Yunno, like a pet name? I saw it on MASH last night.

BRITNEY

(SMILING)

Well, I think I’d rather filet my skin off with a rusty fork than go to bed tonight knowin’ you have a pet name for me.

BARRY

(CONCERNED)

Ain’t you scared of tet-nus?

Cut back to Daddy scowling.

DADDY

I ain’t gonna letchu marry a pro-mower. I promised your momma on her deathbed: “No Athletes, No Celebrities.” She didn’t want you livin’ no superficial life.

Tighten on Daddy’s eyes. Daddy points at Desiree as he speaks.

DADDY

That’s a promise this man of the law intends to keep.

Desiree begins to sob.

DESIREE

(EXTREMELY HIGH PITCHED)

But DADDDDDDYYYYYYY!!!

DADDY

I mean it. You tell that boy to leave you alone, or I’ll take every thing he has. I’ll start with his mower, and then...and uh...and then...

Daddy pauses, stumped...He begins walking out of the bar.

DADDY

Well, we’ll figure that phase of the plan out when we get there.

Barry runs after Daddy with two styrofoam cups in his hands.

BARRY

Bye Brit-neeeeeeeeeeey!

Britney shudders.

Cut to Daddy & Barry pushing out the front door of the bar. Daddy glares ahead with a determined stare.

DADDY

Mark my words, Barry...one day I’m gonna find a way to put an end to that mower-jockey an’ his loser friends...You in the mood for tacos?

SCENE 9: STOLEN REMEDIES

Cut to a close-up of Keith... He still looks like an Adoyan... He’s holding one hand out in front of him, and has a distressed look on his face.

KEITH

So, Bret is crazy-strong...

ZOX

Looks that way.

KEITH

And Billy is super-fast...

ZOX

That’s what I’d guess.

KEITH

Ricky can turn his arms into guns...

ZOX

I know, right? That one’s my favorite.

KEITH

And my really cool power is being 2 feet tall and blue.

ZOX

Hey, look at it this way, at least Adoyans won’t abduct you anymore.

MACK

I don’t wanna hear it... At least you got somethin... All I ended up with was a shot in the butt. The holding cell doors slide open... Didi & Pink Peace charge in the doors.

DIDI

There! Open those cages, and free those abductees! Squad 2, come with me!

Cut to Bret, who perks up as the aliens enter... Pink Peace immediately begins unlocking the cages.

BRET

(WHISPERING)

Now’s our chance!

MACK

(WHISPERING)

Take no prisoners!

Pink Peace unlocks Bret’s cage. Bret and the other NEX brutally attack Pink Peace.

PINK PEACER2

Please, no!!! We’re pacifists!!!

PINK PEACER1

Wait, we’re helping yo--

Keith punches the pink peacer in the mouth... The NEX continue brutalizing Pink Peace... Mack is kicking one of the Pink Peacers that’s on the ground.

PINK PEACER2

AAAAHHHHH!!!!

MACK

If you stab someone, give them a stinkin’ power!!!(kick) It’s like givin’ a kid a happy meal with no toy!(kick) Except the stinkin’ happy meal is a stinkin’ shot!(kick)

PINK PEACER3

I’m really not sure--OW!--what you’re--OW!--talking about--

RICKY

Mack, come on, buddy! We gotta figure out how to get outta here!

BRET

Maybe somebuddy should wake up Billy.

BILLY

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

MACK

Aw, man...you just take a left, the second right, up the stairs, pry off the AC grill above the control panel, shimmy down to the third level, pop off that grill, run across the main chamber, and grab one of the escape shuttles...that is unless you wanna steal the ship that just docked...

RICKY

...

KEITH

I think you should lead the way.

MACK

(MANLY WINK)

(kick)10-4 bud.

SCENE 10: VIOLENCE, AND FINDING YOUR GROOVE

Cut back to the fight scene between Brik, his security detail, and a Saturian... The Saturian has one of the Security Droids by a leg, and is using it to knock the snot out of other droids, a few Adoyans, and Brik.

SECURITY DROID

(IN SATURIAN’S HAND)

Please halt all offensive procedures immediately! Cease! Desist! Aw, c’mon man...it’s TACO NIGHT!

SATURIAN

(SWINGING DROID WILDLY)

RAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

BRIK

(TO ANOTHER DROID)

You ready to run-n-gun? One last hurrah in the face of insurmountable odds?

DROID

No, Thanks... I’m cool.

BRIK

C’mon you rust bucket, you wanna live forever?

DROID

Well, at least until I get my pension... I mean, my uncle has this place on Marvix 3...He offered me a job as an ice machine...Today’s kinda my retirement party... I was literally like 5 minutes from clocking out.

Tighten on background where Didi and some Pink Peacers have Fessur gagged and bound... They’re trying to smuggle him back on the Pink Peace Ship... The Saturian turns in time to see Fessur... Their eyes meet.

SATURIAN

RAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

Fessur’s eyes fill with terror... After a hiccup, Fessur lays an egg. Didi shoves Fessur into the Pink Peace ship via the hole she cut out earlier.

DIDI

Back off, cone-boy!

MACK

Awright, so the main chamber is right through here...

The Saturian charges toward Didi, full steam. Just behind Didi, an Air Conditioning Grill pops off the wall... Bret and the NEX emerge. Bret cracks his knuckles and begins to grow.

BRET

Hey, mail-box head!

Bret lays into the Saturian, sending him flying across the chamber.

RICKY

You know you just saved one of the little aliens we all hate, right?

BRET

(SMILING)

Yeah, but didja see how far I knocked that thing?

The Saturian comes literally flying back toward Bret... His mouth is open, revealing a set of horrifying teeth.

KEITH

DANG...that is one hideously malformed ali-- >pop!<

Keith turns into a blue version of the Saturian...

KEITH

(LOOKING DOWN AT HIMSELF)

WHAT. THE. CRAP.

Ricky’s arms morph into gun-like barrels.

RICKY

Dude, you and me both.

MACK

Don’t just stand there, BEAT SUM ROBOTS!!!

Mack pushes Keith into a crowd of security bots. Keith is surprised how strong he is... Adoyans bounce off him and fly in all directions... Mack turns to Ricky.

MACK

Now you cheer tha crap up! You got powers, and I don’t wanna hear any whinin’ about it... Just take those crazy gun-arms and go blow holes in aliens... Now GIT!

KEITH

Man, this is better’n wack-a-mole!

Keith starts chasing Adoyans around the room, roaring and smiling as he goes... Mack jumps into the Pink Peace ship just as it’s doors begin to close.

KEITH

Hey, Ricky...skee!!!

Keith throws a security droid through the air.

SECURITY DROID

(SPINNING IN THE AIR)

Whaaaaaat’s skeeee?!

Ricky takes careful aim and blows the flying robot out of the air. Several Droids see this, and begin fleeing and screaming like women.

DROIDS

AAAAAAAHHHHH!!! NO SKEE! NO SKEE!

KEITH RANDOMLY GRABS DROIDS AND BEGINS THROWING THEM ON Ricky’S COMMAND.

RICKY

PULL!

SFX

BLAM!!!

RICKY

PULL!

SFX

BLAM!!

Cut to interior of Pink Peace Ship... Didi is fastening Fessur into a passenger seat at the back of the ship. Fessur is still bound and gagged.

DIDI

You’re just going to love it... I painted your room fuchsia... It doesn’t sound masculine, but I think you’ll be surprised... OH, OH! Aaaaaaaand, I skinned your cat and used his pelt to line your new shackles! I thought it would help with the chaffing.

Fessur looks back at her horrified. Didi sees that Fessur is upset... She lowers the gag.

DIDI

Wassamatter puddin’?

FESSUR

You...you killed Felix?

Didi’s face turns angry... She tightens Fessur’s ropes with a grunt, and shoves the gag back in Fessur’s mouth.

FESSUR

OOOOOMPF!

DIDI

See that!? That’s why we broke up 12 years ago... I try to do something sweet for you, and all you do is harp on the one thing you don’t like. JERK! He’s not even dead, he just cries a lot.

Fessur stares back speechless... Didi storms off screen, and then immediately comes back into frame hysterically crying.

DIDI

Oh baby, I’m so sorry...>sob<

Didi jumps into Fessur’s lap, and begins caressing his cheek... He squirms uncomfortably.

DIDI

I’m gonna kiss you so hard right now... You know exactly how to push my buttons...I can’t take your gag out, because you’ll scream. See, I know you SO well!

Didi throws herself into a kiss with the gagged Fessur... Fessur is obviously disgusted and surprised.

Cut back to Pink Peace Cockpit... the Pilot and Co-Pilot are flipping switches as lights blink and machines whirr in response.

PILOT

Mrs. Didi, all systems are online! We’re ready to commence launch in 10 seconds!

CO-PILOT

You really think 10? I was thinking more like 15...

Mack’s arm reaches over a seat and taps the Co-Pilot on the shoulder... Co-Pilot turns his head to see Mack smiling back at him.

MACK

I’d say you’re good to launch any second now.

Cut to the chamber that the Pink Peace ship is docked to... The Pink Peace Co-Pilot comes flying out the hole.

CO-PILOT

AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

Co-Pilot flies past Brik... The camera stops to focus on Brik about to pounce on Keith’s back... He has a knife in his hand. Brik puts the knife between his teeth, and jumps on Keith’s back. (Keith is still shaped like a Saturian.)

BRIK

In the words of your ancestors...YEEEEEEE-HAAWW!

Brik slides the knife under Keith’s neck, and smiles.

BRIK

Peek-a-boo!

Ricky notices Keith’s situation, and “cocks” his gun-arm.

Cut to close-up of Keith’s face. Brik is behind Keith’s head.

KEITH

Hey, now nobody said we could use knives.

RICKY

Keith! Think small!

KEITH

Gotcha!

RICKY

Ever’buddy hang on to somethin!

Bret, looks perplexed. Keith transforms into an Adoyan, and falls to the ground... Brik is left suspended in the air for a split-second... Ricky shots the wall behind Brik, which punches a hole through the hull.

BRIK

HA! You missed, moron.

The cabin begins to depressurize... Brik is sucked through the hole... Bret immediately is sucked into the hole after Brik... Bret is so big he plugs the hole.

RICKY

Man, everybody knows you wait to see what happens before you say “you missed.” It’s like askin’ for bad crap to happen.

Cut to Mack standing at the entrance to the Pink Peace ship... He has Didi and the Pilot in each hand.

MACK

Hey, y’all c’mon! I found us a spaceship!

Mack throws Didi and her pilot out of the ship like they were garbage.

Zox, Bret, and Ricky run toward the Pink Peace Ship.

INT. Pink Peace ship... Mack is in the pilot seat flipping switches authoritatively... He moves like he’s been flying alien spacecraft his whole life... alien text scrolls down Mack’s glasses.

The NEX run into the ship... Keith looks at Mack with a confused expression.

KEITH

How do you know how to do all that?

MACK

It’s as if that injection contained nanites that have linked to my cerebral cortex and are even now feeding me information about every minuscule aspect of functionality associated with any technology that these little critters have built... I’m not really sure, but that’s my best guess.

Keith stares blankly back at Mack... Ricky slaps Keith on the back, and sits in one of the nearby seats.

RICKY

Well, sweet! Don’t forget to swing by the hole I shot and pick up ole Pro Mow.

Keith makes his way back to a seat... He sees Fessur shaking in his seat at the rear of the cabin.

KEITH

You know you got one o’ them aliens tied up back here?

MACK

Yeah, I figgur I’ll keep ‘im.

Fessur begins to sob.

Ext. Pink Peace Ship... The ship detaches from Adoyan Abductions, and swings along side where Bret’s body is plugging the hole in AA’s ship... A tractor beam grabs Bret, and pulls him out of the hole and into the PP ship with a >pop!<.

The PP ship flies toward the screen, as it does, Brik spins in front of the camera... He looks irritated but unhurt. He’s holding his breath.

SCENE 11: SUPER-HEROES AND CRAP

Open on “Bobby’s Wings n’ Fries” parking lot. A few seconds pass, and the PP ship slowly begins to land. As it lands, powerful jets blow cars around the parking lot... The ship rocks a bit, an exit ramp slides down and a door opens... The NEX exit the ship... Desiree is locking the front door to “Bobby’s” as the ship lands.

MACK

Watcher step there... There’s a 2.4 inch drop at the enda that ramp that’ll have yer breakfast if you ain’t careful.

KEITH

(STILL SHAPED LIKE AN ADOYAN)

I’ll be glad when I can change back to myself... I’m startin’ to feel like a second rate smurf.

Cut to Desiree and Brandy standing in front of “Bobby’s.” They both stand speechless, mouths wide open... Desiree snaps out of her trance, and becomes angry.

DESIREE

If ya’ll think you can just park that piece of crap in the middle of the parkin’ lot, you’re crazy!

Cut to tighter shot of the whole gang exiting the ship... Mack is holding Fessur under his arm. Bret shrinks back to normal size, Ricky’s arms are now normal. The guys start walking in the direction of “Bobby’s Wings n’ Fries.” The camera slowly pulls back, and starts to creep back up to the starry sky.

DESIREE

I know you idiots aren’t ignorin’ me!!!

RICKY

So what’re y’all doin’ tomorrow night?

BRET

Not a thang, but a dang-a-lang.

KEITH

Well, Gordon Ramsey has a new show comin’ on...

MACK

I think I’m gonna fabricate a spoiler for the new spaceship, tape it off, and maybe paint it Vols orange.

Cut to Britney walking up to her overturned car... She stands for a second, takes a deep breath, sets her car alarm, and starts walking home.

SFX

BEEP-BOOP!

BRITNEY

See ya’ll tomorrow.

NEX

NIGHT, BRIT!

MACK

Wait up, Britney. I’ll walk with you!

Mack jogs toward Britney as the other guys walk together.

RICKY

Well, when y’all are done with that crap, I think we should talk about becomin’ superheroes.

KEITH, BRET

YES!

The camera is now completely in the sky.

DESIREE

If ya’ll leave this thing here, I swear I’ll have it towed.

BRET

Hey, guys...did anybody grab Billy?

SCENE 12: EPILOGUE

EXT. Martian Combat ship zips across space.

MARTIAN1

Okay, those combat enhancers should have kicked in by now, but I don’t feel any different.

INT. Martian Combat ship cockpit.

MARTIAN2

I know what you mean... Normally by now, I...I...huh...what was I saying?

A martian comes out of a door into the cockpit... He has a confused expression on his face.

MARTIAN3

Uh...did you guys know there’s a human asleep in Frank’s bunk?

MARTIAN1

That doesn’t sound good...but I’m not sure who Frank is...also, who are you again?

MARTIAN2

EXACTLY. Exactly what I was going to say... The only thing I might add is, “who am I,” but that sounds like the beginning of a really deep conversation.

MARTIAN3

Well, for a second I thought Frank was me...but then I wasn’t sure, so I said “Frank’s bunk” just in case it wasn’t me... You know, so I wouldn’t sound dumb.

MARTIAN1

OH MY GOSH, wouldn’t it be funny if we had all lost our memories?

MARTIAN2

Are you in my head, here? I swear, totally what I was going to say.

MARTIAN3

Well, since you’ve probably forgotten how to fly this...this...oh, golly I’ve forgotten what this flying contraption is called...

Cut to the bunk room on the martian ship... The martian voices can be heard off-screen... Billy sleeps comfortably on the bunk.

BILLY

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

MARTIAN1

Well, I was going to be like: “There’s a human on this ship?! What the heck, I say we vaporize it!

MARTIAN2

Yeah, I can somehow see you saying that... You seem like a decision-maker...I really wish we all knew each other.

MARTIAN3

Man, I say if none of us have memories we just call reset on the whole day... Besides, I think I might like humans...

MARTIAN1

Well, I say we skip whatever it is we were going to do, and we just swing by earth and make circles in some corn fields...

Fade to black.

End.